I am the evil you wanted, tüw,²HäZ!
Your strawman has become a scarecrow.

Flaps – UP
Pilot’s Control Wheel Pitch Trim Switches – FULL NOSE UP/CHECKED
Check that horizontal stabilizer (as displayed on the trim indicator) moves to 6 degrees nose up.
Alternate Pitch Trim Switches – FULL NOSE DN/CHECKED
Check that horizontal stabilizer (as displayed on the trim
indicator) moves to 1.5 degrees nose down in 45 to 70 seconds
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