👈🗿👈
199x-2012:
A lot of traumatizing things are going down for this little guy:
I do enjoy cartoons and robots, though. And an old Windows 3.1 machine and some custom DOOM WADs got me into some of the best kinds of trouble.
Over time, however, it becomes evident that my home isn’t like others, and it’s hurting me. As a clueless child and then teenager, I frequently found myself having to be the adult, or treated as if my immaturity were the result of deliberate, calculating malice and spite.
I eventually save up a little money, and extricate myself from this environment. The day I left, my mother flipped over a couch and spat on me.
2013-2018:
Striking out solo when you weren’t given a great start or much education is tough. Though I’m invigorated by my newfound freedom from being awoken by screaming in the dead of night or having to mollify a constant stream of raging bipolar outbursts, my brain is locked into fight-or-flight mode near constantly. I’m young and stupid, and I don’t know how to ask for help in a general sense, or even use health insurance to see a therapist.
Instead, I turn to the dark corners of the internet, one of the only places I truly know, and teach myself how to do something strange and probably illegal.
I’m in a really bad place, and I believe this practice could save me from a lifetime of suffering. My adjusting to how this practice affects my life kicks off a series of developments and events in my life that leads to the creation of “Fwughox”, a website named by randomly mashing on my keyboard. (Not to be confused with “FwugRadiation”, or Toby Fox, a way more talented artist/musician of many stripes, but he’s not me, and I wasn’t aware of his work when I created this place.) I fill Fwughox with incoherent, conspiratorial ramblings reflective of my inner world, an ironic exercise in making sense of things by being senseless.
At first, it’s a place meant to hide messages and lead people on wild goose chases. Over time, it becomes a place to explore THE INTERNET SUPERHIGHWAY through surreal multimedia remixes of its vast troves of niche content. Animated Photoshop GIFs, mostly.
Throughout this period, I’m dealing with a series of injuries and illnesses as a result of my PTSD and the stress of 15+ hours of college coursework while working full time, which culminates in a problem which prevents me from consistently using normal computer input methods without a lot of pain. I went to all the doctors. All the specialists, more types than you can probably name off the top of your head. Clean images. Repetitive strain injury? Neurological condition? Purely psychosomatic? Who knows.
2019-present:
Ultimately, I land on tablets as the solution to my problem. Re-learning how to use a computer in this way is painful and frustrating. Fwughox, which by now has become a cherished friend, begins to fall by the wayside as I struggle. However, with the tablet and stylus in front of me at all times when using a computer at work or home, and the necessity of mastering this tool impressed upon me by my need to eat food and pay bills, it slowly, eventually starts to become something I’m comfortable with.
Because I’d been doodling in my studying/composition books for a few months before my injury anyway, and I knew Photoshop like the back of my hand, I start drawing with the stylus, too.
And so it all clicks into place; I slowly discover in my newfound expressive capabilities an ability to express my love for my friends, the only real family I ever had, which uplifts me. I begin to draw for them more and more. That pursuit ultimately ignites other latent passions I wasn’t aware I had – and made life feel like it was worth living.
Hug your homies!
❤️
☦Σ ♞á✌«✞/ 