I don’t want a troublesome wife. I’m a firm believer that skeletons are placed in closets; someone is responsible.

Many people like first-person because they think it provides a more in-depth identification between the reader and the narrator; some horror writers have deliberately chosen to write psychopathic serial killers in the first person in order to force more of an identification from the reader for an unsympathetic character. You hate the sound of my voice, yet I sing you to sleep at night.

I can’t begin to thank you enough for coming.

Will you help me test a theory?

Martha. Martha, please. I can’t do this anymore, why do you put cornmeal in everything, Martha? I can’t have another fucking corndog as long as i live. And spaghetti? Seriously? how did you even do that? Fuck spaghetti. You’re killing me slowly, Martha, it hurts, my heart hurts.

In more ways than one, Martha! Christ.