Never love you. Can’t have them! Can’t have either. Lines draw closer. Walls close in. No threat present. Mind only threat. Mind of self. Smashing a bottle against the nearby merry-go-round for effect, watching yourself run away screaming and clearly somewhat traumatized.
I also see and feel on a level that makes me want to barricade myself in the middle of a jungle sometimes with no humans around to affect my moods, but all in all, it’s a good life, just hard, and a lot of work. My opinion is that almost any work is better than no work at all. I think the work isn’t so bad if one knows that they are making a contribution to something grand, like a great piece of art.